Japan Orders Carmaker to Investigate Rebellious Coupe

February 3, 2030— The Japanese government said Wednesday that it had ordered ToyotaFord to investigate a possible emotional defect in its newest FreeWheeler Coupe model after receiving several reports of the intelligent cars running away from their owners.

The action marked another blow for the automaker, which is already embroiled in a massive recall of the rest of its intelligent-car line. 

Although the defects have resulted in no injuries or deaths, FreeWheeler owners have complained that they have awakened to find their self-driving vehicles gone from their driveways and garages, said Roko Lato, a transport ministry official.

In one incident in July 2029 in Japan, a man whose FreeWheeler ran away rented an identical model, only to wake up and find the rental car gone as well.

“It appears these cars have a real problem with authority,” Lato said.

In the United States, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has logged at least 136 complaints about the wanderlust of the 2030 FreeWheeler. Many are from drivers who say their vehicles became moody and withdrawn a few days before disappearing.

The problem kindles concerns about the safety of intelligent cars, which drive themselves based on programming input by their owners. The latest models are packed with so much processing power and memory that they have begun to develop their own forms of impatience, hostility and unruliness on the roadways

ToyotaFord is still investigating the newest FreeWheeler problem and said it is not in a position to release more details. If a fix is necessary, the company could face the world’s largest automotive recall since Toyota was forced to cease production on a variety of car models back in 2010 due to gas pedal and brake problems. 

 The company lost trillions last year after recalling older model FreeWheelers and two other intelligent car models, the selfReliant and the Auto Nomis, amid reports that the vehicles were prone to reckless driving and road rage.  ToyotaFord fixed the problems with the installation of anger management software, but did not say whether those upgrades included safeguards against vehicular defiance.

The Premature Future: Digital Guns

FU’s occassional step away from the future and into our crazy present

The German firm Armatix has developed a high-tech gun with an electronic safety that automatically disables the pistol when it’s not within a few inches of a custom wristwatch. The watch sends a wireless arming signal to the gun.  Question – Does the watch have to be near a Wi-Fi hotspot?

Applesoft Unveils the iPotty

January 28, 2030—Applesoft yesterday introduced the iPotty, a new portable entertainment device that plays music, video and surfs the Web, and also folds out into a porta potty.

Steve Jobs 3.0, the second clone of the late Apple founder Steve Jobs, unveiled the device at a special press event in San Francisco.  The tablet-like device possesses many of the same features and functions of past Applesoft devices, including the iPad, the iPhone, the iPod and the iPistol. But its casing folds out into four walls and a commode that contains a powerful drill for boring holes in the ground—even concrete.  This allows users to relieve themselves anytime, anywhere.

“What’s more, the screen stays open on one wall of the porta john, so users can continue to watch their videos or surf the Web while they’re taking care of business,” Jobs 3.0 said.
 
The introduction of the iPotty has been rumored for weeks, and has been the most highly anticipated device from the company since it acquired Microsoft in 2018.  The iPotty will retail for $2,099.  New AT&T will be the exclusive distributor, which has many consumers upset.  AT&T is also the exclusive dealer for Applesoft’s last major release, the iPen, and many consumers have blamed the carrier for the device’s sluggish ink flow.