America Out of Google Control

June 30, 2028 — Google has closed a deal to sell the United States back to the American public for the same price it paid to acquire the federal assets in April.

Google Chief Executive Larry Page and President George Prescott Bush, who has agreed to return to the White House for the final months of his term, announced the agreement in a joint news conference this morning.

“We are selling the assets back to you for the same $300 zillion that we paid,” Page said. “I just want the dump this bloody thing as soon as I can.”

Since Google closed its purchase of the federal government in April, Page has weathered a shareholder revolt led by nonagerian billionaire Carl Icahn and an attempted military coup by former Sen. Hillary Clinton.  Clinton’s troops held Page and his family captive for two weeks until moon troops swept in and toppled the regime.  While the public seemed to be satisfied with the privatization of the federal government, tradtional power brokers warned that Google was turning into a dangerous technocratic empire.  

Bush said his first order of business will be to reassemble Congress and the executive branch, and to pardon all conservatives held as prisoners in Googleplex cells, except for pundit Ann Coulter.

“I don’t think anybody knows what to do with that nut job,” said a Bush supporter who asked to remain anonymous.  

Bush said he will decide how to punish Clinton for her attempt to take over the nation. But Democrats argue that the fact that former First Lady was forced to share a cell with Coulter should be punishment enough.   

Meanwhile, both the Democratic and Republican parties promised to proceed with their conventions that had been cancelled when the U.S. was sold.   Bush has not yet said whether he will seek re-election.  Democrats reportedly considering a presidential bid include former Senator Sherrod Brown (Ohio), Rep. Adrian Fenty (D.C.), U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Angelina Jolie, and, of course, Rep. Dennis Kucinich (Ohio).