Angelina Jolie to Run for President

July 8, 2028 — Former U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Angelina Jolie today formally announced she is seeking the Democratic Party nomination for president.

“This nation needs a kick-ass heroine,” Jolie said in a video address on her official website. “I’m ready to help reunite this country after months of turmoil, and make sure we all have access to good jobs, a cleaner environment, affordable health care, and chique clothes.”

Jolie is the first Democrat to jump into the race, and her sterling popularity may discourage anyone else from trying to compete with her.

Twenty years ago, Jolie was one of Hollywood’s most bankable stars as well as Goodwill Ambassador to the UN Refugee Agency. And in the late-teens, just before she could be put out to pasture in some sitcom, Jolie left acting to pursue her humanitarian work full time. That led former President Oprah Winfey to appoint her to the ambassador post in 2021.

Jolie, 53, is not the first Hollywood icon to run for the Oval Office.  Both Ronald Reagan and Winfrey made their mark in show business before embarking on political careers. But her candidacy could nevertheless be historic, says FU political analyst Ima Fullavit.

“Angelina brings a lot of firsts to presidential politics,” Fullavit says. “For example, she’s the first presidential candidate to have won an Oscar.”

Jolie is also the first presidential candidate to:

• have adopted children from a variety of nations;
• have lots and lots and lots of tattoos;
• get a tattoo of her spouse’s name;
• have a tattoo of a spouse’s name removed;
• be a home-wrecker;
• provide the voices for CGI characters;
• play a character from a computer game;
• have sex with Brad Pitt; and
• be bisexual

Jolie’s current spouse,  electronic folk musician Bitch, says she is fully prepared to serve as first lady.