Jolie Says She Needs No Geography Advisor

by Skip DeKades

July 23, 2028 — Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Angelina Jolie said yesterday she plans to eliminate the position of White House Geohistory Advisor if elected, arguing that the position is unnecessary given her expansive travels and knowledge of the planet.

“I’ve been on every continent except Antarctica, and I know my way around a map,” Jolie said during a campaign stop in St. Louis. “There’s no need to have someone advising me on the location of Somalia or Pakistan.  It’s a sad state of affairs that we’ve needed this position in the first place.”

Former President Oprah Winfrey appointed Greta Clew as the first Geohistory Advisor in 2018 amid public concerns about presidential candidates’ poor grasp of geography and world history.

During the 2008 presidential campaign, then-Republican candidate John McCain twice referred to the Czech Republic as Czechoslovokia — a country that hadn’t existed for 15 years, and raised concerns about a situation on the “Iraq/Pakistan” border.  His opponent, then-Democratic Sen. Barack Obama, declared his intention to visit “all 57 states.“ 

In a 2016 Democratic primary debate, Sen. Patrick Kennedy (D-R.I.) said one of his top foreign policy goals was to solidify U.S.-Prussia relations.

One of the biggest errors occurred in the 2012 presidential primary, when Sen. J.D. Hayworth, a GOP candidate,  said in a speech that he worried about the Persians developing a nuclear weapon and that he opposed troop withdrawals from Babylon.  When a reporter pointed out that Persia and Babylon no longer exist, Hayworth fired his campaign staff for failing to keep him up to date on world developments.

Republican candidate Bobby Jindal believes the geohistory advisory position is still necessary and will maintain the position if elected, said M. Sue Greene, campaign spokeswoman. Her remarks came after a July 21 speech in which Jindal raised concerns about illegal immigrants sneaking over the Mexican border into Utah.

For more background on Jolie’s world travels, see Sir Satire’s New World Order News Service.

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