Killer Seals Created to Prey on Sharks

by Skip DeKades

August 4, 2028 — A team of genetic engineers has created a new species of seal designed to feed on the increasingly aggressive great white sharks that have been attacking swimmers and surfers across the globe.

Scientists at Princeton University announced the specially designed seals at a press conference yesterday. The creatures, Arctocephalus Pusillus Sharptoothicus, or more commonly known as “slasher seals,” were created over the last six months in a laboratory and are expected to be released into the waters off of South Africa by mid-August.

If the trial release of the seals is successful, the researchers hope to introduce the animals in other regions of the planet over the next year.  

Slasher seals were created by combining the DNA of a common seal with that of a great white shark, said Prof. Münster Macher, head of of the project.  In addition, the scientists added a sprinkle of genetic material from rodents, which are known to sometimes eat their own kind. This last step is designed to assure that the seals would have an appetite for sharks, despite possessing some of their DNA.

The result of the project is marine mammals with jaws lethal enough to devour the sharks that normally hunt them. “We’ve managed to make the predator the prey,” Macher said.

Scientists designed the slasher seal (pictured above) to fend off sharks that are attacking surfers and swimmers at alarming rates.

The initiative is a response to the growing number of deaths and severe injuries that sharks have been inflicting across the globe.   During the months of June and July, great white sharks were responsible for at least 110 deaths and 125 injuries.

Marine biologists have long asserted that global warming is having some type of impact on sharks’ migration and feeding habits, which is the cause of the increase in lethal human-shark encounters. 

Macher said his research team hopes to design seals predisposed to target bull sharks and tiger sharks, which – along with great whites – are responsible for the bulk of shark attacks on humans.

Environmentalists decried the use of artificially designed predators to protect swimmers and surfers.

“Seals are supposed to be playful and loveable, not viscious,” said T. Rhea Hugger of Greenpeace. “It’s a good thing Steven Spielberg is dead, or I’m sure he’d make a movie about them coming to the rescue of potential shark victims.”

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