U.S. Belly Floppers a Flop in Synchronized Pairs

by Skip DeKades

Bismarck, N.D. August 11, 2028 — The United States’ Walter Park got a rough introduction to the Olympics today, as he and partner M.T. Poole finished a surprise last in the men’s 10-meter synchronized belly flop.

“I just didn’t hit the water flat enough to sufficiently redden my gut and disperse enough water,” Park lamented.  “But it was a great experience, and it hurt so good. And it primes me for the 2032 games.”

U.S. whopper Walter Park disappoints in synchronized pairs

Park, 33, has been hyped as one of U.S.’s top medal hopes for the 2032 games in Toronto. At 5’3” and 210 pounds, with a 40-inch waist, he has been known to soak entire crowds as he hits the water at various competitions.

He and Poole finished with a 408.48, while Japanese duo Ren Inawata and Ryuu Soka won with 468.18 points.

The individual and synchronized belly flop competition were introduced as Olympic events in the 2020 games in Moscow, along with a host of other events that were launched in response to growing worldwide boredom over the traditional contests. 

In other news from the Bismarck games, the Russians won the gold in the men’s 400m dog paddle relay.

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