Killer Seals Wipe Out Sharks, Start Eating Swimmers

by Skip DeKades

September 8, 2028A program to introduce genetically engineered killer seals into South African coastal waters to protect swimmers from great white sharks has tragically backfired.

The specially created mammals, known as slasher seals, have not only killed most of the sharks within the region but have devoured the people they were designed to protect, along with common seals, sea lions, dolphin and even whales.

A shark cries out in pain as it is attacked by a killer seal

A shark cries out in pain as it is attacked by a killer seal

Authorities report that at least three swimmers have been fatally attacked in the week since the slasher seals were released on a trial basis along South Africa’s southwestern coast in mid August.  And the carcasses of large sea mammals have been discovered along shorelines throughout the region.

Princeton scientists are now engaged in the dangerous task of trying to round up the seals and take them into a lab to study what went wrong.

Princeton researchers created the slasher seals to protect people from increasingly aggressive sharks along coast lines across the globe. They  combined the DNA of a common seal with that of a great white shark. They also added a sprinkle of genetic material from rodents, which are known to sometimes eat their own kind. This last step was designed to assure that the seals would have an appetite for sharks, despite possessing some of the same DNA.

The result of the project is marine mammals with jaws lethal enough to devour the sharks that normally hunt them.  But what the scientists didn’t count on was that the hybrid creatures would have hybrid appetites. They not only like other sharks, but also human flesh and mammal fat.

“We simply wanted to turn a dangerous predator into prey,” said Prof. Münster Macher, head of the project. “But we didn’t think this new species would be like gluttonous cannibals.”

Witnesses describe the attacks as shocking.

“It’s been frightening to watch these cute little seals acting like pit bulls,” said Leif Seaver, a lifeguard at Camps Bay beach near Capetown. “Even the sharks were actually screaming as the seals chomped into them.”

T. Rhea Hugger of Greenpeace, which has opposed the introduction of the hybrids into the sea, said the group is worried that the killer seals are breeding and will overwhelm the people trying to round them up.

“It’s like a horror move,” Hugger said. “Princeton has created flippered Frankenstein monsters.  What are they going to do next, create frogs that eat alligators?”

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10 Responses to Killer Seals Wipe Out Sharks, Start Eating Swimmers

  1. IdiotBlog says:

    What a retard story. Despite putting the date in 2028, its still completely gay that you’d make this shit up. Get a fucking life, you moron.

  2. Skip Dekades says:

    People who say “that’s gay” are the real retards. You’re the one who needs to get a life, dipshit.

  3. idiotblog2 says:

    how fucking dumb are you kid. to even make this shit up and get what out of it? and how can you say that people call this gay are the retards? when your the one posting this and is making up a stupid blog about seals eating great white sharks? lmao ya i think your definitly the one that needs to get a life and help.

  4. Norfleet says:

    This story sucks, well made up and unbeleivable.

  5. Kelsey says:

    I personally think it is interesting. I started to read it and I was actually planning on looking it up since it sounded believable. Keep your head up Skip Dekades, because this story and your writing has potential!

  6. Probably your best piece of writing on here…

  7. What a frankly incredible read.

  8. Marley says:

    I enjoyed that. haha.

  9. seriöse Coachingausbildung…

    [...]Killer Seals Wipe Out Sharks, Start Eating Swimmers « Future Update[...]…

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