Dual-Use Robots Malfunction, Start Killing Disaster Victims

by Skip DeKades

September 16, 2028 — Thirty dual-use robots dispatched to help victims of last week’s massive mudslides in Ecuador have malfunctioned, leaving their rescue mode software inoperable and their warfare programming on autodrive.

Dual-use robots prepare to gun down mudslide victims in Ecuador

The broken robots have killed at least 10 survivors of the disaster whom they mistakingly identified as terrorists. Federal Emergency Management Corporation (FEMC), which manufactures the robots, has a team working around the clock to try to reboot the units’ rescue functionality, company spokesman Elmer Gensee said yesterday in a news conference.

The robots, which are called ”2-Fers” and are modeled after the fictional Cylon centurions from the old TV program Battlestar Galactica, have two remote-controlled buttons. One allows operators to activate the robot’s friendly rescue mode, while the other instructs the device to kill anything in sight.

The Pentagon first introduced the dual-mode robot during the hurricanes that ravaged the Texas gulf region in 2008. Halliburton, the parent company of FEMC, acquired the devices as part of its purchase of departments of Defense and Homeland Security in 2021. The company then upgraded, rebranded and integrated the robots into its international security and disaster relief operations.

As a backup safety protocol, operators should be able to shut down the robots by correctly speaking the phrase ‘Klaatu barada nikto.’ But even that voice deactivation function is failing, Gensee acknowledged.

“These devices have become real-life Terminators,” he said. “We’re doing everything we can to terminate them before anyone else is hurt.”

For background on dual-use robots, visit Sir Satire’s New World Order News Service.

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5 Responses to Dual-Use Robots Malfunction, Start Killing Disaster Victims

  1. sirsatire says:

    The Ecuadorians got what they deserved… they should’ve known better than to live next to unstable mud.

  2. [...] said DeKades’ recent detailed information about a warrior/rescue robot will result in increased surveillance, as the robot presently exists only on highly-classified [...]

  3. [...] September 17, 2028 — Federal Emergency Management Corporation (FEMC) says a programming error led its “2-Fer” brand dual-use robots to execute Ecuadoran mudslide victims rather than rescue them as e…. [...]

  4. [...] leaving their rescue mode software inoperable and their warfare programming on autodrive,” Future Update updates. “The broken robots have killed at least 10 survivors of the disaster whom they [...]

  5. [...] leaving their rescue mode software inoperable and their warfare programming on autodrive,” Future Update updates. “The broken robots have killed at least 10 survivors of the disaster whom they [...]

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