Beau Biden Being Considered for Attorney General

by Skip DeKades

Sen. Beau Biden

November 20, 2028 — President-elect Angelina Jolie plans to nominate Sen. Beau Biden of Delaware to serve as her attorney general, despite concerns that he suffers from the same faux pas tendencies that plagued his father, former Vice President Joe Biden.

Jolie reportedly has settled on Biden to head the Justice Department after being assured that new cerebral technology will offset any risk of him uttering gaffes that could embarrass the administration.

Sources tell FU that Jolie’s transition team has met repeatedly with Biden, 59, and has convinced him to have a special implant embedded in his brain.  The device will cover both his frontal and temporal lobes, the areas of the brain associated with speech.

This ‘smart’ device will serve as an early detection system, sensing the potential for Mr. Biden to say something stupid and giving him a mild shock to shut him up before any harm is done, a source told FU on the condition of anonymity.

“Just think,” the source said. “If his father had had the benefit of such an implant, I’m sure he would have become president.”

The elder Biden, 86, served in the Senate for 35 years before becoming President Barack Obama’s vice president in 2009.  He developed a reputation for being long-winded and often made remarks that were considered thoughtless if not outright stupid, such as his remark in 2006 that people couldn’t go into a 7-Eleven or Dunkin’ Donuts without having “a slight Indian accent.”

The younger Biden has never demonstrated the same tendencies for loquasiousness and unintended offensiveness.  But because his father’s gaffes were so great, Jolie’s advisors say the president-elect can take no chances, which is why they insisted on the implant as a condition of his nomination.

There’s plenty of offensiveness at Humor-Blogs.com.