by Skip Dekades
December 9, 2028—Congressional Democrats on Monday sent the White House a draft of a roughly $12 billion rescue package for U.S. breweries to prevent America’s beer industry from collapsing and forcing prices for ales, lagers and pilsners to record highs.
The Democratic lawmakers hope to bring the measure to a vote this week. The legislation would rush bridge loans to brewers, but would also require the industry to restructure itself in order to survive, and to start making beers that taste better. It also calls for President George Prescott Bush to name a “bar czar” who would make sure U.S. taverns and restaurants are serving domestic beers and not just imports.
Appearing before reporters, House Speaker Paul Ittico (D-Fla.) said Democrats are determined to force changes in the domestic beer industry, which has been rapidly losing customers to Belgian brewer InBev.
“It is our hope that there will be a viable brewing industry in our country with transparency and accountability to beer-drinking taxpayers,” Ittico said. “This will force American brewers to make a product that tastes better than the swill that they put out today.”
The U.S. beer industry has been suffering ever since 2008, when InBev bought American brewer Anheuser-Busch, creating a new superpower that controls 85 percent of the world’s beer reserves. Beer prices now stand at $300 a keg, and domestic manufacturers such as Miller Brewing Co., Pabst Brewing Co. and Coors Brewing Co, have seen demand for their products drop as people scale back on consumption of ales, lagers and pilsners.
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OMG this is tooo funny! I wouldn’t doubt this to become true in the future though LOL Especially since I live 20 minutes from the Yuengling Brewery!! LOL
[...] Democrats Propose $12 Billion Loan for Beer Industry [...]
I knew a bailout was brewing. Democrats sending a draft to the White House was a dead-giveaway. The bill is a buzz with controversy.
I hope the environmentalists got a chance to weigh in on this. Beer farts contribute heavily to global warming, so I hope the beer has eco-friendly ingredients to reduce human gas emissions… the cork and trade approach won’t work.
EErrrrrp! Um..’scuse me. Where are the agents? I want Skip’s book!!
[...] The U.S. government late last year handed U.S. breweries a $12 billion rescue package to prevent the… The bailout funds were intended to help the industry restructure itself and start making beers that taste better. [...]