Man Arrested for Shooting Neighbor’s Android: Is It Vandalism or Murder?

by Skip DeKades

January 23, 2029 — A prominent Miami businessman was arrested Thursday after shooting his neighbor’s personal android in the head. But prosecutors can’t decide whether to charge him with murder or simple destruction of property.

Pedro Pequeño, who owns a chain of night clubs throughout southern Florida, remains in police custody and stands accused of shooting android #R72 after finding the robot in bed with his wife, Brianna. #R72, nicknamed Rusty, was pronounced broken beyond repair at the scene.

Rusty’s owner, Matt Sheen, who lives across the street from the Pequeños, acknowledged that he had let the couple borrow his android to clean their backyard pool, but said he was unaware that Mrs. Pequeño was using the robot for sexual purposes.  He said Rusty was designed to be a working robot, not a sexual aid.

“I loved Rusty like a son,” Sheen said, “and she just used him as a sex toy.”

Dade County District Attorney Victoria Sincorta said the case is unprecedented, and that she has not yet decided what type of charges to file against Pequeño.

“Technically, this android was simply that – an android,” Sincorta said. “But it had become rather sentient over the years.  According to Mr. Sheen, it had come to enjoy gardening and tinkering with cars. It was good with children. So we have to consider that this was the taking of a life and not merely vandalism.”

Mr. Pequeño is being represented by renowned criminal defense attorney Will Gittemoff. In a press conference this morning, Gittemoff said that his client did not kill a homo sapien, so can’t be charged with murder or even a lesser charge.

“The last time I checked, there was no such crime as voluntary or involuntary android-slaughter,” he said sarcastically. “Rusty was a tool, for God’s sake. What next, we’re gonna file murder charges against someone who breaks his wife’s vibrator?”