Limbaugh Attacks Sotomayor Over Comments About White Men and Salsa Dancing

June 1, 2029—Conservative radio commentator  Rush Limbaugh is once again publicly attacking Supreme Court Justice Sonja Sotomayor, this time accusing her of reverse racism for suggesting that Latinas are better salsa dancers than white men.

In his radio show on Friday, Limbaugh pointed to a speech Sotomayor made earlier in the week at a judicial conference in Scottsdale, Ariz. In the speech, Sotomayor said, “I would hope that a Latina woman with the richness of her dance experiences would more often than not be more talented dancing the salsa than a white male who grew up dancing to rock n’roll and hip-hop.”

Limbaugh, a longtime critic of Sotomayor, accused the high court’s only Hispanic justice of once again showing her true racist sentiments.

“What a racist comment to make,” Limbaugh said on his radio talk show on Friday. “I happen to know that [former presidential candidate] Newt Gingrich is a wonderful salsa dancer.”

“Let me read it to you another way,” Limbaugh continued.  “Chief Justice John Roberts, in another speech, said, ‘I would hope that a hip white man, with the richness of his experience, would more often than not be a better square dancer than a Latina female.’ Do think there would be any dispute that John Roberts had made a racist statement?”

Limbaugh has repeatedly assailed Sotomayor ever since former President Obama nominated her to the high court in 2009.  The last rampage occurred in 2025, when he accused her of racism for stating in a speech that Latinos speak Spanish better than European Americans.

Kate Gosselin to Host Celebrity Whiner Competition

May 28, 2029—Author and reality TV star Kate Gosselin has signed on to host a new  celebrity game show called So You Think You Can Whine.

The program available on Hulu will pit famous actors, models and athletes against each other to see who can wallow in the deepest levels of open self-pity over notoriety that they brought on themselves. Celebrity judges Alec Baldwin, Melissa Rivers and Denise Richards—all with experience bemoaning their life circumstances despite their riches—will offer commentary, but Web TV viewers will vote to determine the winner.

The show becomes available for streaming or download on June 22.  Contestants in the first season will include yo-yo dieter Kirstie Alley,  former NFL prima-donna Terrell Owens, and war-mongering talk-show host Elisabeth Hasselbeck.  

Gosselin

Gosselin first rose to fame in the early part of the century when she and her then-husband, Jon, were featured in the cable TV reality program Jon & Kate Plus 8, which chronicled their life raising a set of twins and a set of sextuplets.  The couple divorced in 2010 and, although they easily reached a custody settlement, engaged in an acrimonious legal battle over the rights to the lavish house and free merchandise that they had been given by the producers of their show. 

The intense publicity over the break-up of her marriage prompted Gosselin to gripe about paparazzi and tabloid stories depicting her as domineering and greedy, although producers of the family’s show say those accounts were accurate.

“We think Kate will be the perfect host for this game show,” said executive producer Stu Diolites. “She represents the epitome of people who crave the spotlight, then bemoan the heat that goes with it.  She’ll serve as a great inspiration for our narcissistic contestants.”

No whining is permitted at Humorbloggers.com.

California Supreme Court Overturns Law Barring Human-Robot Marriage

May 27, 2009 - The California Supreme Court yesterday overturned a ban on human-robot marriage, nullifying a November 2028 voter decision that prohibited people from wedding anything digital.

The opinion, written by Chief Justice Lee Galese for a 6-1 majority, said that the vote violated the Marriage Rights Act that Congress passed in 2013.  That law legalized gay marriage across the country (and overturned California’s own law prohibiting same-sex marriage). But it also bars states from discriminating against any upright, intelligent life forms (including artificial ones) that want to wed, the court held.

The decision sparked celebrations among human-robot marriage advocates, who filed numerous suits over Proposition 52, the ballot initiative that won 53% of the vote in the November election.    

Chip Luver, the legal director for the National Artificial Intelligence Lovers Association (NAIL), called the decision a victory to the thousands of California technophiles who were praying they would receive equal status to marry any person or thing they wanted. 

“It is gratifying to see that the court has given all intelligent life forms, whether organic or synthetic, the right to a bridal registry or a bachelor party,” Luver said.

Five states have already passed laws allowing human-robot marriage. Vermont even permits robots to marry each other.

Californians who backed Proposition 52, the ballot initiative the voters passed in November, were incensed by the Supreme Court decision.  Hugh Mann, general counsel for Protect Human Marriage, the leading group behind the initiative, said he and his allies were “offended” by the decision.

“The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman—period,” Mann said. “And this decision denies voters the right to impose their own moral judgment and prejudice on the entire populous of the state.”
 
Human-robot marriage advocates gained backing for their arguments against Proposition 52 earlier this year after a CNN.com exposé showed the hypocrisy of the law, Luver said. That investigation, which could have forced the Supreme Court to nullify thousands of marriages, revealed that most of the housewives in Orange County were actually androids passing as botox-saturated women.