August 19, 2029—A New Jersey man has filed suit against New AT&T and Applesoft, claiming the latest version of the luvPod is faulty because it identified another man as his soul mate, even though he is heterosexual .
The suit accuses Applesoft, which manufactures the handheld true-love locator, and New AT&T, which has an exclusive contract to sell it, of negligence, breach of express warranty, breach of contract, negligent misrepresentation, and infliction of a socially awkward moment. In addition to monetary damages, the lawsuit calls for the companies to modify their promotions about the luvPod 2.0’s capabilities.
The plaintiff, Lou Zerr, a Fort Lee, N.J. robot repairman, filed suit in the U.S. District Court in the District of Facebook. He is seeking class-action status.
“Mr. Zerr insists that he is straight, and the luvPod and New AT&T are promoting a faulty product because it hooked him up with another dude—not that there’s anything wrong with that,” said Zerr’s attorney, Laura Soote.
The action follows a series of complaints over alleged problems with the New AT&T 9G network that supports the luvPod 2.0. Consumers have complained that congestion on New AT&T’s networks has led to delays in finding a soulmate. Others gripe that the luvPod 2.0 has linked them up with people who are poor, commitment-phobic, mentally ill or just plain ugly. And in one extreme case, a Butte, Mont. man turned on a new luvPod and was fixed up with an inflatable doll being warehoused in New Mexico.
ahhh for the days of “Under my umbrella” while waiting for the bus…..
—hmm…human matchmakers had better success rates and too bad they’ve been dead too long to reconstitute their dna for cloning and downloading into the ‘system’…random ramblings and wishful thinking indeed…
–When will that law be passed allowing ONLY beautiful people to find ‘love’?