Oprah Calls Congresswoman a Spacist

September 17, 2029—Former President Oprah Winfrey said Wednesday that a Republican congresswoman’s efforts to stop the Jolie administration from opening up diplomatic talks with newly discovered extra-terrestrials is “based on spacism” and rooted in fears of people from other solar systems.  

Former President Oprah

“I think it’s based on spacism,” Winfrey said, coining a term that means prejudice and discrimination against people from other solar systems and galaxies. “There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that extraterrestrials should be barred from Earth’s atmosphere, or at least from flying into U.S. airspace.”

Winfrey was responding to charges by Rep. Michele Bachmann, (R-Minn.), that the aliens, who are presumably headed toward Earth, are a threat to humanity and to wholesome family values. She said the anti-alien outcry that Bachmann is leading is part of a disturbing trend of hatred directed at non-humans, including animals and robots.

Bachmann

The aliens, who come from a distant planet called Btjmgh, contacted the SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) Institute last week while passing Pluto. NASA officials say they expect the Btjmghns to arrive in Earth’s orbit in late October. 

President Angelina Jolie has expressed interest in inviting the aliens to the White House, and to ask for their help in saving Earth from an asteroid that is expected to strike the planet in December.   Her willingness to meet with the beings, who come from a planet called Btjmgh, has sparked demonstrations across the country. 

Bachmann vehemently denied yesterday that she is a spacist.

“I don’t have any problem with extra-terrestrials per se,” she said. “I just don’t want them to be intelligent.  Intelligence is dangerous, which is why I avoid it. In fact, it’s actually a plot by Democrats to bring down this country.”