September 28, 2029—A 22-year-old U.S. Marine corporal has volunteered to pose as Lucy Ricardo and meet with incoming aliens who are fans of the character from the classic 1950s sitcom I Love Lucy, the Pentagon announced today.
Brock Brickeater, who enlisted in the Marines two years ago and is currently stationed at Camp Brogan on the Moon, will disguise himself as the zany redhead in order to help the federal government convince the extra-terrestrials to save the planet from destruction. The aliens, hailing from the planet Btjmgh, have informed astrobiologists that they will destroy the asteroid headed toward Earth if they have a chance to meet and hob-knob with Ricardo, whom they apparently believe is a real person. The late comedienne Lucille Ball played the character from 1951-1960.
“We want to commend Corp. Brickeater on his courage in taking on this dangerous mission,” said Defense Secretary Maureen Corr during a Monday morning press conference. “We pray that he can fool the aliens into believing he is Lucy Ricardo so they’ll save life as we know it.”
Brickeater, who appeared at the press conference wearing the garb that he will don for his meeting with the Btjmghns, demurred.
“I don’t normally dress up in women’s clothing, but this is for my country, so I’m happy to put on some make-up and pretty clothes,” he said.
World leaders are criticizing the Pentagon’s strategy, arguing that it risks angering the Btjmghns if they figure out that they’re being fooled.
“Nobody — not even an extra-terrestrial — is going to fall for this deception,” said French President Jean-Luc DuBois. “It’s like sending a mute disguised as Muammar Gaddafi to address the U.N. Who in their right mind would believe it?”
