Baseball Fans Refuse to Believe World Series Outcome

November 5, 2029—Pitcher Emery Ball held the Yankees to just two hits and one run on Wednesday, leading the Pittsburgh Pirates to win the World Series for the first time in half a century. But baseball fans openly refused to believe the Pirates’ victory, accusing the federal government of rigging the game to draw attention away from the scandal surrounding the end-of-the-world hoax.

“They expect us to believe anything,” said longtime Yankees fan Skip Tickel about the 6-2 victory in Game 5.  “We bought the whole story about the asteroid heading toward Earth, and the aliens that were supposedly entering the solar system. But for them to think we’d believe the Pirates actually won the Series is pretty insulting.”

Until this year, the Pirates’ 37-year streak of consecutive losing seasons was the most of any of North America’s four major sports leagues.  Under manager Ian Field, the team turned around this year with the help of a strong pitching staff that featured Ball and C.C. Sabathia III. 

FU sports analyst Bob Caustic said the public skepticism about the Pirates’ win is understandable given the government lies that have been exposed over the last week.

“The chances of two longtime losing baseball teams suddenly becoming colossal Cinderella stories is highly unlikely,” Caustic said, referencing last year’s World Series win by the Chicago Cubs.