January 4, 2030—The Transportation Security Administration said Monday that it will institute random penile screenings in order to guard against uncircumsized men boarding planes with microscopic explosive devices hidden in their foreskin.
The step is being taken after a 22-year-old Swedish man on a flight from Stockholm to Dulles International Airport near Washington, D.C., pulled down his pants as the plane prepared to land and threatened to shoot off a micro-bomb from his genitalia.
Department of Homeland Security investigators say Björn Tokel used a device that can be easily concealed under the foreskin and is undetectable by airport screening technology, including full-body scans. Passengers tackled Tokel and pulled his pants up before he had a chance to cause any harm.
Authorities say Tokel has ties to the Brunette Brigade for Freedom, an organization of dark-haired separatists who are protesting U.S. support for Sweden’s government-backed blonde majority.