Where Are They Now – Bad Boys of the 00s

September 18, 2029

Kanye West
The acclaimed rapper, record producer and author received numerous awards throughout the first decade of this century, but his career steadily disintegrated because of his constant attention-seeking stunts at award shows. His stature finally took a nose dive after the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, when he interrupted country music star Taylor Swift, who was accepting the award for Best Female Video, to say fellow-nominee Beyonce’s video was one of the best of all time. Kanye received strong rebukes for his behavior, and subsequent albums were flops. He tried to revive his career in 2011 with a cable TV talk-show, but the program was cancelled after only five airings because his producers failed to find any celebrities willing to be guests.  Today, West is a motivational speaker but rarely attracts anyone to  his presentations.

2006

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

2029

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

Jon Gosselin
Gosselin became famous for raising twins and a set of octuplets with his spouse on the reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8,  then – during divorce proceedings — claiming his wife verbally abused him.  He became the poster boy for early-onset mid-life crises when, at the still young age of 32, he began partying heavily and cavorting with women more than a decade his junior.  Today, Gosselin is divorcing his fifth wife, Stefania, and has filed for personal bankruptcy, claiming he can no longer afford his massive alimony and child-support payments.  (He has 27 children across his five marriages, as well as six grandchildren.)  While first wife Kate is enjoying a thriving career as a talk-show host, Jon currently is unemployed and lives in Pennsylvania, where he sits around and feels sorry for himself.

2007

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2029

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Levi Johnston
Johnston was the subject of intense media scrutiny during the 2008 presidential campaign, when he was the teen-age fiancé and father of the child of Bristol Palin, daughter of Alaska governor and Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin.  A few months after the election and the birth of his son Tripp, Johnston and Paliin ended their engagement, and he began a long-running public feud with the Palin family. A high-school dropout, Johnston took a job as an apprentice electrician and tried to land modeling jobs.  His good friend, comedienne Kathy Griffin, helped him land some gay-for-pay porn roles, but a back injury forced him into early retirement.  He continued a smear campaign against Sarah Palin, but disappeared in late 2011 and has not been seen or heard from since.  Many speculate that Palin had Johnston murdered so he wouldn’t taint her 2012 run for the White House.  But police have never found any evidence linking the former politician, now the host of The Palin Program on FoxNews.com, to Johnston’s disappearance.

 

2008

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2029

 

‘End of the World’ Concert Scheduled for Labor Day in Central Park

September 4, 2029—More than 3 million people are expected to attend the “End of the World” Concert on Monday in New York City’s Central Park, making the event one of the biggest all-star rock concerts in history — and most likely the last such event to be held on Earth.

Bruce Springsteen, Usher and Gwen Stefani will be among the legendary  musical artists performing at the event.

Proceeds will be used to help the indigent escape from the planet before Asteroid 2029 XFIII makes its expected collision with Earth in December. The massive rock is expected to destroy the planet, but the federal government estimates that more than 8 million Americans are too poor to pay the fares for exodus ships transporting people into space to escape the annihilation.

The event is expected to be the biggest all-star concert since the Live Aid hunger relief event held in 1985. The End of the World concert is being nicknamed the Life Aid concert.

Scheduled to top off the event are the band REM, singing “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” and Prince, who will sing an updated version of his old apocalyptic hit “1999,” with a chorus, “Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s twenty-twenty-nine.”

Although alcohol is normally not permitted at concerts in Central Park, New York Mayor Manny Hatton has ordered police to allow attendees to bring booze, drugs and any other controlled substances on site.

“What the hell,” Hatton said in making the announcement. “For a lot of rock-and-roll fans, this is the equivalent of a death-row inmates last meal.”

Gwen Stefani photo courtesy of Planet Hiltron. 

Disney Introduces New Marvel Heroes

September 2, 2029—Desperate to revive its moribund line of its most classic cartoon characters, The Walt Disney Co. is launching a new series of children’s programming that leverages the superheroes in its popular Marvel Comics universe. 

Disney next week will begin streaming programs that combine the exploits of the most legendary Marvel figures into new heroes based on some of the oldest characters, including Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy.   The programs will include Spider-Duck, the Incredible Hulkmouse and Gooferine.

 

Disney is making the move as the characters in its traditional line of television and movie characters struggles to capture the attention of a new generation of youngsters who find the likes of Mickey and Minnie to be nauseatingly childish.   Marvel, which Disney bought in 2009, has become the most profitable division within the Disney empire.

Other programs under production include Snowstorm and the Seven X-Dwarves and The Fantasia Four.