Jolie Draws Comparisons to Neville Chamberlain

September 22, 2029—President Angelina Jolie’s job approval rating has plummeted over the last two weeks in response to her openness to meeting with the space aliens that are heading toward Earth.

According to a newly released Gallup poll conducted Sept. 16-18, the number of Americans who say Jolie is managing government effectively declined from 55 percent in August to 25 percent in the latest survey. Gallup speculates that one factor may be public concerns about Jolie’s plans to open diplomatic relations with the aliens.

The vitriol against Jolie is beginning to mirror the extremism that beset former President Barack Obama when he tried to push through health-care reform, and the rage hurled against former President George W. Bush over the Iraq war.

While critics compared both Obama and Bush to Hitler, Jolie’s opponents are circulating pictures and signs depicting her as a modern-day Neville Chamberlain, the 20th century British prime minister best known for is appeasement policies toward the Nazis in the years prior to World War II.   Others say she might as well be an alien herself, and illustrate her as a green monster from outerspace.

Jolie said earlier this month that she is willing to allow the extra-terrestrials from the distant planet Btjmgh to land their ship on U.S. soil and stay in American hotels. Many say they are afraid that the aliens will conquer the United States and turn it into a communist nation, and even worse take up American jobs, tax the country’s health-care system and lower property values.

 

These pictures circulating on the Internet depict President Jolie as a modern-day Neville Chamberlain and an evil space alien.

Oprah Calls Congresswoman a Spacist

September 17, 2029—Former President Oprah Winfrey said Wednesday that a Republican congresswoman’s efforts to stop the Jolie administration from opening up diplomatic talks with newly discovered extra-terrestrials is “based on spacism” and rooted in fears of people from other solar systems.  

Former President Oprah

“I think it’s based on spacism,” Winfrey said, coining a term that means prejudice and discrimination against people from other solar systems and galaxies. “There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that extraterrestrials should be barred from Earth’s atmosphere, or at least from flying into U.S. airspace.”

Winfrey was responding to charges by Rep. Michele Bachmann, (R-Minn.), that the aliens, who are presumably headed toward Earth, are a threat to humanity and to wholesome family values. She said the anti-alien outcry that Bachmann is leading is part of a disturbing trend of hatred directed at non-humans, including animals and robots.

Bachmann

The aliens, who come from a distant planet called Btjmgh, contacted the SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) Institute last week while passing Pluto. NASA officials say they expect the Btjmghns to arrive in Earth’s orbit in late October. 

President Angelina Jolie has expressed interest in inviting the aliens to the White House, and to ask for their help in saving Earth from an asteroid that is expected to strike the planet in December.   Her willingness to meet with the beings, who come from a planet called Btjmgh, has sparked demonstrations across the country. 

Bachmann vehemently denied yesterday that she is a spacist.

“I don’t have any problem with extra-terrestrials per se,” she said. “I just don’t want them to be intelligent.  Intelligence is dangerous, which is why I avoid it. In fact, it’s actually a plot by Democrats to bring down this country.”

Conservatives Worry Extra-Terrestrials are Liberals

September 16, 2029—NASA yesterday released the first images of an alien spacecraft headed toward Earth, and the shape of the ship has heightened conservatives’ fears that the extra-terrestrials are left-wingers.

While science fiction has portrayed alien ships taking the shape of everything from flying saucers to the cylinders depicted in H.G. Wells’ classic novel War of the Worlds, the craft coming from the real-life distant planet of Btjmgh is shaped much like the universal peace sign.  NASA captured the photos via deep-space satellite as the ship, coming from the planet Btjmgh, passed Neptune late Sunday.   

NASA Corp. has captured this image of the alien ship that has entered our solar system

Conservative commentators said the image of the ship confirms that the aliens are a threat to humanity, despite their offer to save Earth from an asteroid hurdling toward the planet. 

“The peace sign represents radicalism, recreational drug use, socialism and anti-war violence,” said Glenn Beck, host of long-running The Glenn Beck Show on FoxNews.com. “These outer space goons will no doubt set out to trample democracy as we know it and destroy all the freedoms we hold dear.  They’re probably racist against white men, too.”

In an interview on Web TV, shock pundit Ann Coulter said the United States should “invade the ship, kill the Btjmgh leaders and convert the remaining aliens to Christianity.” 

But some liberal groups are also wary of the Btjmghns, and say no one should assume the aliens are left-leaning.

“For all we know, that ship is a Trojan Horse,” said holographic-blogger Rachel Maddow.  “We could invite them to land on Earth, and discover that they’re actually blood-sucking capitalists who will devour anyone wearing Birkenstocks.”