Head Piercing the Newest Fashion Craze

October 8, 2029—Forget hoop earrings, navel studs and tongue jewelry. Today, body piercing has reached its zenith, with young people increasingly piercing their skulls to wear big hoop headrings.  

“This is the ultimate form of body jewelry,” said FU fashion analyst Dee Zein. “Essentially there’s not really any other new body part to pierce. Young people have already tried piercing everything from their navels to their genitals to their knee caps. The head was about the only thing left.”

Zein warns that consumers should always visit a licensed skull-piercer, and should keep studs in their head holes for two weeks to avoid infection.

First Lady Draws Controversy for Going Topless

August 21, 2029—Photographs of a topless First Lady Bitch descending Air Force One have sparked a media frenzy. Some pundits are saying that Ms. Bitch, on her way to a family vacation in Miami’s South Beach, may have revealed too much skin.  But at least half of Americans surveyed say they have no problem with a half-naked first lady.  

FU style analyst Fay Scheunn says when she saw Bitch exposing her bare breasts, she knew it would spark considerable public interest.

“I thought the fact that she went topless was newsworthy because now, not only is she the nation’s first lesbian first lady, but also the first first lady to go half-naked on Air Force One,” Schuenn said.

Presidential spouses are no strangers to public scrutiny over fashion decisions. Nancy Reagan was oft criticized for her grandiose attire. Michelle Obama created a stir for frequently wearing sleeveless dresses at official events and sporting short shorts on Air Force One.   But no First Lady has ever appeared without something covering her chest.

A new FU poll shows 50 percent of Americans were in favor of Bitch going topless in public.  Of the remaining half who objected to her bearing her chest, 35 percent said they’d rather see President Angelina Jolie go topless instead.

Jolie has not been seen naked since 2012, when she and ex-husband Brad Pitt filmed their last movie together,  Mr. and Mrs. Smith Go to Washington.

Don’t Like Your Ethnicity? Just Change It

by Skip DeKades

January 5, 2029 — Today’s Chinese businessman is rich and powerful — with blonde hair and big blue eyes.

The modern Indian woman is independent, accomplished — and as fair-skinned as an Irish school girl.

And millions of Caucasian Americans have become successful African-American lawyers and Asian newscasters.

These are the messages coming from a growing number of global cosmetic-alteration companies, which are capitalizing on people’s growing interest in changing their ethnicity.

Avon, L’Oréal, Garnier and a variety of other companies are heavily marketing new face creams that either lighten or darken skin tones. Clairol is hitting record sales with hair-coloring products.  And cosmetic surgeons are making millions altering eyelids and noses. 

Combined, these products and services are enabling people to virtually change their racial profile.  Often, they are sold with a message about taking power, getting ahead and finding romance.

“It seems in most countries, people are enamored with the exotic and view their existing race as boring to the point of being a professional and personal handicap,” explained Dr. Rachel I. Dentity, a professor of ethnic studies at Princeton University.    “They believe altering their ethnic profile will help their careers and their prospects for finding a mate. And Madison Avenue is capitalizing on that trend.” 

Indeed, London-based NuYu, Inc.  distributes advertisements that show an unhappy white man in a flannel work shirt morphing into a smiling Asian man in a business suit.  In Seoul and Tokyo, ads by Face West Corp. show a woman with big blue eyes landing an executive-level job and a hot Nordic-looking husband. 

A British advertisement shows a blonde woman
changing her appearance to that of an Indian
woman.  Ethnic alterations are increasing in
popularity throughout the world.

Korea, Japan, China, India, the United States, Canada and Northern Europe are the biggest markets for skin-altering products and eyelid changes.   A growing number of young Koreans are looking more like Norwegians these days.  In Iceland, where many people have become bored with the homogeneity of the population, citizens are flocking to plastic surgeons to have their eyelids altered to an Asian appearance.  Austrians are darkening their skin to look Indian or Pakistani.

In the U.S., where international, mixed-heritage looks have become vogue and Caucasian is considered out of style, more than 1.2 million whites last year had their appearances altered to African, Asian, Middle-Eastern or Hispanic, according to the American Vanity Association (AVA). 

Not surprisingly, some people oppose ethnic revision, arguing that the skin-changing products and eye-alteration procedures reinforce prejudices and lead people to lose touch with their heritage.

And while many whites are rushing to adopt an African appearance, African-Americans today have largely eschewed the ethnic-alteration trend, AVA says.

“African-Americans are embracing their heritage like never before and view skin-lightening as anathema,” said AVA President Fay Shull.  “Now it’s the white man wanting to yell, ‘Say it loud, I’m black and proud!’”