May 21, 2028 — A fundamentalist agnostic group yesterday staged a demonstration outside an elementary school in Salem, Mass., demanding that the lower-case letter T be banned from public schools because it resembles the cross and therefore violates the separation between church and state.
“A ChrisTian symbol has no place in our schools, which our forefaThers designed to be devoid of undue religious influences,” said Sandra T. Monious, executive director of the group DoubTers for Justice (DFJ) and a picketer at the school. “This violaTion can be solved by simply removing The lower-case T from all TexT books and oTher school curriculum.”
The fundamentalist agnostic movement emerged 15 years ago as a backlash against the evangelical movement, and has pushed hard to keep any religious references out of the public education system.
But now that Google has purchased the federal government and has subcontracted the Department of Education out to Sylvan Learning Centers, it may be difficult to meet the DFJ’s demands. At question is whether public schools are still considered public when they are owned by a private company.
Some say the DFJ has no case under the nation’s new corporate structure.
“This is just one of many atrocities that the U.S. government can nip in the bud now that it is a for-profit corporation,” said longtime conservative commentator Ann Coulter. “Private schools can do whatever they want, so it may be that these Godless liberal bastards don’t have a leg to stand on and we can save the lower-case T from annihilation.”