January 7, 2029 — With robots taking over a host of occupations once held by humans, it’s easy to get discouraged about the job market. But Future Update has plowed through hundreds of careers, looking for the jobs with the best outlook in the coming year and beyond. These are occupations with the highest rates of job satisfaction, the most prestige and the highest pay.
April 30, 2028—The U.S. of Google on Monday officially put subsidiary Careerbuilder.com in charge of the U.S. Department of Labor, marking the latest step by the Silicon Valley company to integrate the federal government assets that it bought for $300 zillion earlier this month.
E.M. Ployer, who was Careerbuilder’s CEO until its 2016 acquisition by Google and now serves as its president, said his first order of business will be providing job-training assistance to members of Congress who were laid off as a result of the U.S. government sale.
“Unlike other federal employees, the skill set among Senators and members of Congress is rather ill-suited for this economy,” Ployer said during a press conference. “The market is already saturated with professional fundraisers, and there are very few employers who need workers skilled in filibustering and dodging questions. So we’ll need to give these out-of-work lawmakers all the help they can get.”
“It will be a difficult adjustment for many of these people,” he cautioned. “They’ll have to learn that they don’t need to campaign to their boss every two or six years in order to keep their jobs—they just need to show up everyday and learn not to rely a bunch of aides to do all their work for them.”
April 23, 2028—Eyeliner and lipstick sales have nearly doubled over the past five years, and it’s not just because women are adorning their faces more and more.
Like many women’s fashions that migrate to men, the use of everyday makeup was first adopted by adolescent males, rock stars and gay men. But over the past several years men have adopted makeup as a way to stand out in the workplace. As women have gained the majority of executive positions in the business world over the past 20 years, men feel they need to look attractive to compete.
In a Harvard Business School survey conducted last year, men who wore makeup were more likely to report having achieved executive positions in their offices compared with men who didn’t use cosmetics.
Fred Updike, a copywriter at the advertising firm Conner & Conner, said he knows first hand what a little makeup can do for a career.
“I went for years languishing in the same position, without so much as a merit raise,” Updike said. “All my dolled-up female counterparts kept passing me by. Then I started wearing lipstick and a little bit of eye shadow, and before you know it, I got a promotion.”
Makeup isn’t the only tool that men are using to get noticed in a female-dominated business world. Men’s pumps are now the biggest sellers in shoe stores, and many are resorting to plastic surgery to make themselves look younger and feminine.