August 19, 2029—A New Jersey man has filed suit against New AT&T and Applesoft, claiming the latest version of the luvPod is faulty because it identified another man as his soul mate, even though he is heterosexual .
The suit accuses Applesoft, which manufactures the handheld true-love locator, and New AT&T, which has an exclusive contract to sell it, of negligence, breach of express warranty, breach of contract, negligent misrepresentation, and infliction of a socially awkward moment. In addition to monetary damages, the lawsuit calls for the companies to modify their promotions about the luvPod 2.0’s capabilities.
The plaintiff, Lou Zerr, a Fort Lee, N.J. robot repairman, filed suit in the U.S. District Court in the District of Facebook. He is seeking class-action status.
“Mr. Zerr insists that he is straight, and the luvPod and New AT&T are promoting a faulty product because it hooked him up with another dude—not that there’s anything wrong with that,” said Zerr’s attorney, Laura Soote.
The action follows a series of complaints over alleged problems with the New AT&T 9G network that supports the luvPod 2.0. Consumers have complained that congestion on New AT&T’s networks has led to delays in finding a soulmate. Others gripe that the luvPod 2.0 has linked them up with people who are poor, commitment-phobic, mentally ill or just plain ugly. And in one extreme case, a Butte, Mont. man turned on a new luvPod and was fixed up with an inflatable doll being warehoused in New Mexico.