Internet Pirates ‘Killed’ in Virtual Shootout
Internet police on Sunday rescued a law enforcement avatar who was being held captive by Internet pirates. Authorities managed to rescue virtual officer Thad Sanono after firing Symantec security software artillery on the pirates, pixelizing them to death.
Coming Apocalypse Slows Tax-Return Filings
The Internal Revenue Service reported today that a record 65 percent of Americans have requested extensions on filing their 2028 tax returns. The IRS attributed the surge in extension filings to the asteroid that is expected to strike Earth later this year and destroy all life on the planet. “People aren’t sure if they’re going to be here in a few months, so they figure they’ll put off filing their returns in the hopes that they’ll be dead by the time the extension deadline rolls around,” IRS spokesman Cole Lecht said.
President Jolie Brings Hybrid Pet to White House
President Angelina Jolie has adopted a hybrid dog/cat, or dat, named Mixie. Mixie is believed to be the first interspecies creature to occupy the White House, although it has long been speculated that former President George Bush was three-quarters jackass.