July 25, 2028 — Amnesty International issued a report yesterday condemning the U.S. of Google for holding former Sen. Hillary Clinton in the same cell with conservative pundit Ann Coulter, saying the tactic represented cruel and unusual punishment for the former First Lady and Democratic presidential candidate.
“No one, not even someone who has done something as egregious as Mrs. Clinton did, should have to share a cell with Ms. Coulter,” the report states.
Mrs. Clinton, 80, has been in custody since June 16, when lunar troops toppled her military takeover of the country. Clinton troops had arrested Coulter and other conservatives, including Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, following the former senator’s June 5 military coup. Once Google had regained control of the country, the company decided to keep the conservative prisoners behind bars.
Amnesty International made no mention of the conservatives’ imprisonment, but argued that Mrs. Clinton should be provided with an alternative cellmate.
Meanwhile, the machohideen, a group of Republican celebrities originally formed to fight against the Clinton regime, says it will stage a military strike on the Google complex if the conservatives aren’t freed. But the group reiterated its intent to leave Coulter behind in the rescue mission.
“I know Ms. Coulter has suffered a great deal over the past few years, especially with the botched facelift she received,” said machohideen member Bruce Willis. ”But we need to leave her put away for the good of the party.
June 17, 2028 — U.S. of Google Chief Executive Larry Page said he has decided to keep conservative pundits and politicians under confinement indefinitely, leaving intact one remnant of Hillary Clinton’s brief rule over the nation.
“The world is better off with Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity behind bars,” Page said in a Web address to the nation.
Shortly after seizing the country in a violent coup, Clinton ordered her robot troops to begin rounding up well-known conservative commentators. In his speech, Page condemned Clinton’s actions as “selfish, presumptuous and bitchy,” but said he sees no reason to reverse her arrest of the prominent conservatives.
The machohideen, a group of celebrity Republicans who formed to rebel against the Clinton regime, issued a statement decrying Page’s decision.
“We were ready to call off our rebellion, but Mr. Page’s decision may force us to go forward with our plans so we can rescue these respected journalists,” the statement said. “However, we may allow Page to keep Ms. Coulter under arrest, since we don’t like to claim her as one of our own anyway.”
SPECIAL REPORT: One Nation, Under Hillary
June 9, 2008 — Hillary Clinton’s robot troops have begun scowering the country looking for certain high-profile Republicans that the new U.S. leader wants to have arrested and imprisoned, FU has learned.
The fembots (female robots), which the former First Lady, U.S. Senator and presidential candidate purchased from an overseas arms dealer, are designed to detect brain patterns that typify extreme conservative thought. Sources say the robots have been ordered to take all die-hard Republicans into custody, and to kill anyone who resists arrest.
Clinton took over the country last week in a military coup and immediately declared martial law across the country. The Republican roundup provides a hint of the extent she will go to douse any political resistance to her leadership.
Former U.S. President George Prescott Bush has gone into hiding, while his uncle and Oval Office alum, George W. Bush, has guards stationed around his Crawford, Texas ranch. Conservative pundit Rush Limbaugh has already been arrested and has been denied access to an attorney or a microphone.